This is the most controversial table tennis article that I have ever written…
 
Many coaches have talked to me about this for years but are afraid to say it…
 
I finally decided to step out on a limb and address it…
 
 
 
Mom and Dad, you need to be quiet.  You need to let the coach be the coach and you just be the parent.  Way too many parents are sitting there on the edge of their seats for every practice session yelling to the 9-year-old every time he misses a backhand loop or yelling at tournaments every time they have a bad loss.  But actually it isn’t merely the yelling that is the real problem.
 
The real problem is that the controlling parents don’t allow the coach to be the coach.  The coach really does have a plan, a goal, a system, he plans to take your child on this journey….   But you are getting in the way.  You are so controlling, that you won’t let the coach do his job.  I’m not talking to one parent out there, I’m talking to hundreds of parents.  I have seen this situation hundreds of times at dozens of training centers around the country.  Coaches are afraid to address this because they don’t want paying parents to get mad.  The reality is that the kid will improve the fastest if the coach is given full coaching authority and the parents just zip their lips and say nothing during private lessons, groups lessons, leagues, and tournaments.
 
This issue often comes down to this…  The parents looking for fulfillment in their child’s performance; this is the only thing that the parent is living for.  The parents want bragging right that their kid did this or won that.  Listen up parents, if your child doesn’t want to play, please don’t force them to play.  If you force the child to play, it won’t be a pleasant experience for you, the child, and the coach.  For me personally, there are many things that I force my own four kids to do – eat their vegetables, go to bed at 9pm, listen to me read the Bible, obey when told, brush their teeth before bed, change their clothes every day.  But I don’t force my kids to play table tennis.  Table tennis should be a fun activity, not mandatory.  If you force them to play, then they will likely quit at age 18 and you will have waisted your time and money.  If they enjoy playing and have a passion for improving, then you will have guided them in a lifelong skill that will mature them far beyond their years.  In conclusion, I just want to give a few closing remarks to parents and coaches…
 
 
 
To Parents
1.      Make things right
The Bible says, “Father’s do not provoke your children to anger.”  Have you parents been provoking your kid to anger to the point at which you are arguing and fighting every day for something trivial like table tennis?  If you have, you need to repent of this sin and make it right with your family.
2.      Evaluate the situation
Have a talk with your child regularly and explain that you are on the same team reaching for the same goals.
3.      Have a meeting with the coach
This is one of the biggest ones.  As a parent, you need to have constant communication with the coach to understand where you are going on this journey.  Sit down with him for 30 min and write out some goals.
4.      Be the best encourager possible
Believe it or not, your child wants to please you, he loves seeing you happy.  If you are encouraging, it can go a long way in motivating him to train harder.  I personally wasn’t very talented, I didn’t have an ideal training environment, but with some awesome encouraging parents, against all odds, I out-trained my competition and made it to the US National Men’s Team.  A bit of encouragement each day can go a long way!
 
 
 
To Coaches
1.      Be willing stand up to the parents
Dear Coaches, this is tough to do, but it is critical that you be able to stand up to the parents and explain the situation.  Show them that you are capable of taking their child to the next level, you have a plan, and you need to be in a position to carry out that plan.
2.      Take charge of the situation
Sometimes it means that you need to excuse the parent from the tournament or training hall.  Consider talking with your training center director to enforce a new rule about parents being involved during training.
3.      Lay out some goals
As I mentioned above, laying out goals is huge.  You have heard the expression, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”  The same is true in TT.  Once the goal has been set, it will then be easier to advise the parents and kids about how much they should practice, what they should practice, what changes need to be made, how many tournaments to attend, etc…
4.      Be in constant communication with the kids and parents
About once per month before practice, have a quick sit-down conversation with the parents and kids to evaluate the situation.  They say that “lack of communication” will ruin any marriage…  well the same is true in coaching, “lack of communication” in table tennis world can ruin anyone’s game.